eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
