you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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I think your dad took our porno
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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