All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Need sex. Gaining weight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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