Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
