Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
