If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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