I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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