Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
