She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
