Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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