Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
