I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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