I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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