Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
