i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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