some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
