spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
