I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
