That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize