Its about making memories worth repressing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
