my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
