How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
