I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
