That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
