The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
