Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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