Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
