i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
