He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
