last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
