What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
