Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
