we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
