wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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