my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
