Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
