i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
