True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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