god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
