i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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