Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
