I just threw up on my dentist
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize