You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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