I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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