So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
