you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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