i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
