She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
