Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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