Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
