evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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