Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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