I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
