Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
