I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
