her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize