ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
