Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
where are my eyebrows?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
