im six kinds of drunk right now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
