Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
