You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
