so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
