Small penises have feelings too.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
