She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize