My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm like, not good at living.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
