Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
