Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
