you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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