She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
