apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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