You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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