At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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