adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As shirtless as possible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
