Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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